blood may be thicker than water, but you're still a bunch of fucking assholes.

I didn't choose my extended family, clearly, I didn't choose any of it.

No body has the right to make be feel inadequate. I do enough for my family that i should know that i am not. I am good, I am selfless and I worry too much about my family and not enough about myself. But you wouldn't be able to see that from all the way up north would you. You only come around when somebody gets so sick it might not get better.

Where were you when I was driving my dad weekly to Toronto, missing work to make sure he got to his appointments on time. Filling out form after form to give him half of a vital organ so he could be healthy.

I am sick of feeling inadequate. I think this is the first time I have realized that the feeling of inadequacy is where every one of my problems is stemming from. I cannot seem to do enough for people to make myself feel worth. I still end up feeling useless, not enough. Never enough.

Then there's the boy, that's a whole other story. Sometimes I worry he is too damaged to ever fall in love with me. He says he cares but I don't really know that he does, it would have to take a wonderful woman to fix what the last one did to him...and maybe I am not enough.

In some ways that should make me a better person, right? Constantly helping, giving, trying. I'm striving for perfection but I'm always falling short.